Updated: May 1, 2020
It has been an emotional yet empowering last couple of days. Twitter's trending topic this week was rape and sexual assault. The survivors who came out has debunked "men" that thought their positions couldn't be touched. People have been turning a blind eye for quite awhile when it comes to allegations and it's about that time that karma is served. It only starts with one woman, one survivor who had to endure the sleaziness of a man, for others to speak out. Encourage one another to speak their truth and make the load lighter on themselves and heavier on the abusers. One of them was Lindsey India.
The former Hip Hop journalist is so raw, so real, so down to earth. She gives off the coolest vibes while also letting people know that she will cut you to pieces with her words. Always spitting facts when she talks and tweets about mental health, women empowerment, her love for music and so much more. This week, Lindsey spoke out against the man who made sexual advances towards her in a work setting who she said made her career in Hip Hop journalism a nightmare. Her strength for outing Blogxilla for being a sexual predator started off on a Twitter thread stating that he was blowing up her phone to make sure they were "good." She then went onto explain what happened during her internship at Global Grind, stating that he was extremely inappropriate and went into detail of their encounters. Everything was completely out of line. I don't want to tell her story being that no one else can really tell it better than the survivor herself. Please see below for Lindsey's thread.
I encourage you to please click on the tweets and continue reading what this beautiful soul wrote. Reading this had me fuming and reading his sorry apology disgusted me along with the other "men" who knew about this ordeal and turned the other cheek.
By speaking out through her Twitter feed, many more survivors (I don't believe in using the word victim for certain situations) came forward to share their experiences regarding sexual advances from Blogxilla (Lamar Valentine). As the topic of sexual assault took over the social media platform, more women stepped up and felt empowered to do the same. Queens from all over began sharing their stories of rape, molestation and sexual abuse. Some wanted to remain anonymous while others posted up screen shots of what they had to say. Coercion is rape. If you have to manipulate someone to have sex in any way, shape or form - it is rape.
Two of my amazing friends have had a bad experience with Blogxilla along with many other beautiful women. I am so very proud of everybody who took the initiative in speaking their peace. It's not easy. What it goes to show you is that so many women share the same experiences but everyone tends to turn a blind eye. Many women have been sexually assaulted before and for some, it doesn't register until days, weeks, months later. Trying to grasp what really just happened, trying to understand what and how we feel. That uneasiness inside, always looking over your shoulder, knots in your stomach and let's not forget to mention the PTSD that comes after. Please do not judge someone for the age that we decide to share our story or when we decide to. That is the survivor's decision all their own. Lindsey's courage enabled the courage within me to look back and face what was done to me as well. The amount of men who tried to use their position of power and force it upon us, the clowns who take advantage of women with dreams and ambitions trying to build up our careers. One too many times a woman has to deal with sexual advances in the work place and we are far too quiet about this. It was all so triggering, business and personal encounters. I was raped when I was 20 years old by a friend who I thought I could trust. He bragged about it on social media. I was ashamed and embarrassed. I kept saying no but for some reason, I thought it was my fault because I willingly met up with him. That's called gaslighting, when they make it seem as though it's your fault when they know they're the ones in the wrong. It's them trying to "control the situation." What happened didn't register until much later and even until this day, I debate in my head whether it was my fault for even meeting up with him. Another time, I was in a friend's house sitting on his couch when he suddenly grabbed me and shoved his hands down my pants. I had to push him off of me and leave the apartment.
I wanted you to get the point that it is not your fault. No means no. If you didn't want to, if they had to coerce you, if you were under the influence of any kind, if they had to force you... It's nothing to be ashamed of, it's not you and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. It's the men who committed these acts, it's society letting them get away with it, it's everything BUT you. Even if you were lying in their bed, clothes off and you change your mind - NO MEANS NO. As triggering as it may be, I hope that more women continue coming out and begin the healing process. I'm writing this to say to women that you are not alone. There's more of us than you would think. It's so sad how common it is for a woman to experience some type of sexual harassment and I don't know one who hasn't. You were not in the wrong. It is okay to speak out against the person who hurt you. It doesn't matter what time of the day or night it was, it doesn't matter where you were or who you were with, it doesn't matter what you were wearing and if it was too revealing or not, NONE OF THAT MATTERS EXCEPT FOR THE ACTIONS OF THE PERPETRATOR.
This blog is dedicated to you Lindsey, to your strength, your courage, your beauty. Because of you, other women have been saved from dealing with these predators ever again and you prevented so many women from being in that same situation. Putting them on game, what to look out for, and most importantly, not to be afraid in speaking their peace. Pain Into Power. Because of you, many women spoke out for the first time publicly. We cannot thank you enough. There is an army of women (and men) that will stand beside you, behind you, wherever you need us to stand. We're ready to suit up and go to war for our gender and what we've endured. Enough is enough.
To anybody who would like to reach out to Lindsey, please email her at firstname.lastname@example.org and to anybody who wants to speak to me regarding domestic and/or sexual abuse, my email is email@example.com .