A reinvention... that's currently the transition period I'm going through so therefore, I took the featured videos off of my website. I had to take a step back and realize that I wanted to start a new podcast and what other way than to do it in 2020 by collaborating with Madison Jaye. The year 2020 has already been a scary one and it seems like this month is lasting forever.
I'm writing this the day after Kobe Bryant's death. I woke up from a nap to find out that TMZ has reported that he had passed away. I refused to believe it, I thought it was just a rumor but after refreshing google and realizing that more and more news sites were reporting the same thing, my heart shattered. The world just stopped.
My first and last basketball jersey was Kobe Bryant. I admired his work ethic, his attitude, his confidence, cockiness, whatever you wanted to call it. He was the best in my eyes, he knew he was GREAT and didn't care what anyone else had to say about it because he showed it through his legendary career and after his retirement as he continued to be a mentor to many. Crying, tossing and turning with my eyes swollen, I couldn't sleep. I then remembered a video that my soul sister, Brittanie sent me and I played it. I turned the volume up and just allowed Mila to talk to me as she begins to tell me i'm recreating myself, that the universe is removing me from situations, people and places that no longer serve me. It's telling me to start over fresh and it couldn't be any more accurate. I was debating on deleting all content with Pain Into Power and starting anew, that's when I logged on here and removed all my videos. Social media as well, I just started deleting everything I've been holding onto for years from highlights to pictures.
This 15 minute segment that I now have on The Madison Jaye Show will be my next chapter and I will be taking this journey alone, with no co-host, no producer, just me. The only person I want by my side for this is my director/videographer Barry Williams. My DAY1, been down for the mission since the first day we met. People will always try to ride off your name but it's hard to come across someone genuine who only wants the best for you and to see you succeed. Those are the people I want around me.
I say that to say this, sometimes you're not really starting all over. You're starting from experience, you're gathering all of your mistakes and turning them into lessons. I took a step back and stopped worrying about past content because I feel as though I am a new person in need of new surroundings so I took it upon myself to do something different. All these years of going back to the drawing board, figuring out the perfect pink print has led me to believe this. Everything I tried (every podcast, every youtube channel, every show) was blocked because I allowed the wrong people along for the ride. God will not gift you with your blessings until you remove yourself from those who only want to take from you. Some blessings are ONLY MADE FOR YOU. and it is okay to run with those blessings because at the end of the day, YOU worked hard for it, YOU deserve the credit, YOU deserve the recognition, YOU deserve to leave behind YOUR LEGACY without anybody else's input. they did not help you get there, you do not owe anyone anything, small favors does not mean they can leech off of you. i had to realize this or else i was only going to keep allowing myself to be brought down by those who tried to latch onto my weaknesses. A reminder that YOUR HARD WORK brought you to where you are now and no matter how at peace you are, people are going to try to break you. No matter how happy you are and how much you mind your own business, there's someone that wishes to stunt your growth because their misery needs company.
As a media personality, my goal is to help heal on a big platform to spread the word. I do this to spread knowledge and wisdom, to preach about self love, self confidence and self healing. Challenges will always be thrown at you but you have to learn to handle them better. You have to learn to control your emotions so they don't control you, you have to learn how to be vulnerable without feeling weak and that is what I am still struggling with now. When negative thoughts and doubts enter my mind, I have to shake myself out of it and rearrange my thought process. You are your own worst enemy, you are your own competition, no one can stop you except you. No matter how many people doubt you, don't believe in you and don't support you, at the end of the day, the ball is in your court. Like Black Mamba said, "The most important thing is to try and inspire people so that they can be great in whatever they want to do." It's clear that I admire the best of the best, from Kobe Bryant to Nicki Minaj, both are legendary, both had an impact on me growing up, both taught me how to shine no matter what. Don't dim your light just because others can't handle it.
This is my calling, a healer who is also a media personality who God called to spread His message about helping women out of abusive relationships, helping them take the first steps towards healing, letting them know that they are not alone and Pain Into Power is a safe space for them to share their experiences. It's not easy but together, we can empower one another. We can help each other discover the GREATNESS within them to pursue what they love.